Some notes on a popular processed snack "cheese" cracker. Don't judge me. This is the one that's always BOGO. First cracker: Hmm. Salty. Crunchy. Aww, yiss. This will do just fine. Second cracker. Salty. Crunchy. Let's have another one. Third cracker: Salty. Crunchy. Wait, what is that aftertaste? It's not cheese, really, is it? It's something else. Fourth cracker: Salty. Crunchy. Ah, yes. The aftertaste is definitely puppy breath and roofing tar. Fifth cracker: Back in box. Revulsion. Remorse. Why the heck did I get two of these things?